I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
