umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
