I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
