i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
