Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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