If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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