I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
