so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
