that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
