So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
50% drunk capacity currently
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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