Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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