"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
