Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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