She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
