home. puking in laundry basket.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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