I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
