Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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