He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
