I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
