AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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