it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
