I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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