Pregnant stripper...not hot.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
