One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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