Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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