how can u be prego again
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
