He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
