Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
