You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
