You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
