I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
