The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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