I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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