Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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