Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And then he peed in my hair
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