Please, let me fuck your mom
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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