We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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