theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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