Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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