i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
