It's Friday. Sex?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
