um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
