just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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