He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
