The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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