like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.