please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.