I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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