You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
