apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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