i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
one might say we're banned from that church
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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