How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
