I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
