i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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