last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You have to summon your inner elephant
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You can't just leave with hair like that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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