One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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