You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
