24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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