so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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