I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize