Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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