ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
