You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
