I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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