I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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